Monday, March 23, 2015

Entry #3: Please excuse my unexplained five year absence. Also I'm not directing FFXV anymore.

So I know it's been almost five years since I last updated this blog, but hopefully you'll accept that as some meta-attempt at making this blog as similar to Final Fantasy XV as possible, in that I've completely forgotten its existence for long stretches of time over the past decade.

But the more pressing issue at the moment is my termination from Square Enix. Yes, you read that right: I am being fired, as soon as I finish Kingdom Hearts 3. I've spent the last three months in some godforsaken Chinese prison, which is weird because I was banned from China 7 years ago for reasons I'm legally not allowed to go into here. So I'll just say that I'm sorry to all those farmers and hope their crop has continued to be sterilized many times over since my departure.

Anyway, yeah, FFXV. So that's definitely a game, right? Oh yeah, by the way, it might not have been clear but Square Enix put me in that prison. They (correctly I guess) identified that the reason my games have been taking so long to complete is that I can't keep myself in the office and inevitably wander over to Shinjuku or something to buy anything leather I can get my hands on. And also Kingdom Hearts trinkets because that shit is dope. I can't fucking believe I designed something that dope.

So they figured keeping me in the prison would naturally limit my ability to, you know, get out. And that if they stuck a computer in there I'd be forced to work on the game. But joke's on them because I've spent the last three months doing nothing but what you'd end up doing if you were in a prison for three months with no female contact and had internet access.

I'm guessing that's part of the reason they're firing me, but holy shit, I'm pretty sure it's gotta be illegal for an employer to keep a dude locked up in prison. If not then Japan has way more fucked up things to worry about than finishing a video game that was announced 10 years ago.

So yeah I'm officially off FFXV and working full force on Kingdom Hearts 3. I'm excited, I guess. I don't know, when FFXIII came out I came up with the idea to make Final Fantasy Versus XIII because I wanted to make FFXIII, but versus that. It was brilliant, and nobody was doing it, probably because it didn't make much sense, but I was sure I could get it to work. And I was getting it to work for a while. But then a couple years passed. Then 5 years, then 7 years...

And now we're at 9 years since the first E3 2006 announcement of Final Fantasy Versus XIII. The game is Final Fantasy XV now obviously, and I've been replaced by Hajime Tabata, who honestly is a really cool dude. I mean really cool. Honestly he's way more qualified than I am to handle this project, and if he'd been on it since the beginning this game would've come out in, like, 2007 or something. I haven't been able to say that because I've wanted to keep my job, but that's not a concern for me anymore, is it?

In the Chinese prison the inmates had a saying: "Whoever comes second, wasn't good enough for first. Whoever comes first, is inadequate." Sex jokes aside, that saying has a lot of meaning to me, and not just because it's what they screamed as they did unspeakable things to me. To me it says that it's not always best to come first, because then the girl's just laying there all mad and nobody's gonna have a good time.

So it's not really such a big deal that Tabata has taken over my project. My project. That I birthed. And raised. And poured all my heart into for almost a decade.






God fucking DAMMIT!


I'm not fucking going out like this. FFXV is MINE! IT'S FUCKING MINE!!!! And I'm not going to rest until the world sees MY ORIGINAL VISION for FINAL FANTASY VERSUS XIII (AS IS ITS PROPER NAME!!!!).

I'm getting my game back. Fuck Kingdom Hearts 3, you guys have waited 11 years, what's another decade?

First step: I've gotta pay a visit to the new Square Enix CEO: Yosuke Matsuda.